I attended a friend’s son’s funeral last week. There is something so gravely horrid about a parent burying their child.
He was 20, such a lovely kid, always smiling, I honestly never saw him angry or in a bad mood.
He was very good to me, respectful, and never had a bad word to say.
And the one thing that would not leave me was the thought of the one time I was nasty to him. His dad had been interfering in our marriage for far too long. I was angry and fed up, so when his son had messaged me on my BlackBerry asking for assistance from my husband with something (as my husband’s phone was getting repaired), I took it out on him by just ignoring his message. Three times.
How stupid. How insanely pathetic.
It crushes my heart thinking back to that.
Why does it always take death for humans to realize the awful weight of sin? Only then did I see the clarity of how ridiculous my actions were! What did it accomplish by ignoring his message? Nothing. Just plain old poison, defiled by what came out of my heart.
Thankfully, he was saved. But what if he had not been? My actions would never have reflected the love of Christ and a soul would have been lost. Into the abyss. Again.
I died to myself more that day. I have no point other than serving the True King and bringing people into His kingdom. That’s it. I am not worthy of anything else. Especially having a temper tantrum at another beautiful human being, who definitely did not deserve it. If he learnt of my hissy fit at the time, he would’ve giggled it off, as he always saw a positive in a negative. But that’s not the point.
I had since asked for forgiveness for that sin. But I don’t want that poison sitting in me ever again. This situation made me see the foolishness of our ugly flesh. I don’t ever want to waste time by feeding my flesh where I could be using the moment for God’s kingdom and glory.
At the end of the funeral service, we could all write a message in a book for him. I wrote:
“You were always so good to me. I wish there was more time, but wait for me at my mansion…”
Forgive us Father, for the moments we waste on ourselves instead of using it for Your benefit. Amen.